sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
