RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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