Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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