I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
