Are we in a gay sports bar?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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