He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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