I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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