I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
