Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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