So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
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She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
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I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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