when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
