i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
