but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
