he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
