??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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