I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
