this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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