Actions speak louder than pants.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
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Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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