My hand turned me down
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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