and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
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I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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