Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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