I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize