Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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