were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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