I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize