Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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