I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
