remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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