did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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