Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
