i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize