hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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