if only i could text you this smell
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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