Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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