you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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