I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
