Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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