There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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