well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
