we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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