There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
