I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
