Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How external is "for external use only"?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
