I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize