No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
