Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
