benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
