i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
