He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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