I love having hate sex.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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