That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
