Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize