I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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