I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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