I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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