its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She bit a glass in half.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
