time to smoke my breakfast
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
