Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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