why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he puts the penis in happiness.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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