So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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