I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.