My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member