A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him