oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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